Hiya Love!

I was speaking with a friend about my thirties and how it kicked my arse! That decade was a whole trial. Test after test after test. Now I’m out of it I can clearly see that it was a very hard lesson about how I felt about my life, how I felt about myself and my relationships. I also got lessons about making choices without considering the consequences (good or bad) And the ripple effects of those said decisions. I needed to deeply understand that It matters. It all matters; and because I have a high pain threshold, a stubbornness and a resilience like no other, it was going to take something enormous, something huge to take me to the brink of questioning my sanity; something that hit all my senses and sent them into overdrive. Something to actually get my attention and get through to me to start making choices from a healthier viewpoint of myself and my life.

I have many stories of hardship, betrayal and being let down. I’m sure we all do. But when these things are a recurring theme it becomes a YOU problem. It’s not about them or the situation. Clearly I am doing something or not doing something and it’s effecting me. My thirties hurt so bad! lol I went through challenges and deep changes. I’m not lying when I say prison was easier than all the bullshit that happened. But it was apparent that prison wasn’t enough! It did a little bit but it wasn’t enough. I needed to be broken open for the required changes to stick.

In a quick overview my thirties consisted of becoming a mother, ceasing relationships, having 3 children under 3 (a daughter and twin boys) them being diagnosed with autism. Navigating their autism diagnosis and advocating for them, my own health going to shit because of everything I was managing (I was having Lupus flare ups) and dealing with my own inner issues and trauma that decided to wake up from being dormant as soon as I became a mother. Nice!
It was a crisis situation and I needed to figure it out because if this didn’t do it, nothing would.

I was holding it together but I was losing my shit. My thirties were the hardest thing I have had to do in my life. I was in survival mode and NOTHING was funny. It was painful and life was very serious. I knew changes had to be made and it started another journey of my spirituality and personal reflections. I started journalling a lot. In my search for answers and clarity I ended up learning the tarot for my own personal development. Reading my own energy to get through the walls I had built up. I also discovered other spiritual practices, modalities and concepts. It was time for me to get vulnerable with myself and start the healing process.

Everything you go through prepares you for the next thing. I was being prepared for my 40s and beyond. I couldn’t continue to drag the same problems and mindset into the new decade of my life. It had to go. And my Ancestors and the Divine made sure it was gone by any means necessary. If I didn’t get this, nothing was going to get through. I lost everything and got it all back in a better, healthier, stronger fashion. Some of the realisations that I had come to:

• People will people. They change, they lie, they manipulate, they love, they support, they do what they want to do. So move accordingly.
• Stop making decisions that will bring further hardship. Doesn’t matter how strong you are. Just because you can handle it doesn’t mean you should.
• Do what makes you happy. Live life your way.
• Choose people who are also choosing, supporting and respecting you.
• My life is nothing to be nonchalant about. I have a real purpose here.
• I need to stop effin around because the luxury of youth and time is not on my side; but I have wisdom and insight and I need to be sharing that (hint hint this blog)
• I am beautiful and deserving of the life I truly desire. I have the skills and talent to make it happen.
• I do not need permission or acceptance from Anyone. I just need it from myself.
• Life CAN be GREAT!

The beauty of pain is the realisations that come with it. the understanding and the changes. Yes it hurts at first but we shouldn’t be reliving the painful experiences becoming full of hurt, regret, anger and blame. It’s disempowering and non-progressive. We should be transcending them and be transformed for the better.

What did you learn? what are going to do now you know what you know? Don’t be afraid to try another way especially when the old ways are not fruitful.

The beauty of my pain is that I’m not where I used to be. Yes shit happens and I’ve overcome a lot but I’m still here; stronger than before with my heart and my mind intact! Asé. I still have a sense of humour. I still love people, I’m aligned with my purpose and life is full of opportunities and miracles Asé.

The pain was to get me together. Get me right. Get me balanced. Get me back on track. I’ve learned about boundaries, personal responsibility, advocating for myself, self love & trust, confidence, spiritual development, healing, fortitude and personal power.

Your pain is not your enemy it’s part of your evolution. Rise to the occasion.

Seeyalaterbye!