A memory came to me the other day and I want to share it with you. I think this memory came up to remind me of how far I’ve come despite the supposed barriers and challenges ahead of me; and to also remind me that people’s opinions really doesn’t matter. It’s really about how you feel and think about yourself. Ok lets get into this story!

august 2009

I was released from prison in 2009. Now my sentence had gone relatively quickly but the last month or so DRAGGED! It’s like time slowed right down and it was playing with my anxiety levels lol. Anyway I was released and tagged to my mothers address (I had to be on tag for about 4 months) I hadn’t lived with her since I left home as a teenager so it was another adjustment for me.

I was focused enough to know that I wanted my independence again.

I was speaking with a friend at the time about wanting somewhere to live and she said she knew someone who was looking for a tenant. For the sake of the blog lets call this Landlord “Alicia”. Alicia was lovely and accepted DSS (benefits). I was lucky! A lot of landlords don’t usually entertain tenants who are on benefits but Alicia didn’t care as long as she got her money.

SEPTEMBER 2009

I moved in September. Yes! A month after I’d been released how amazing was that! The flat was amazing, fully furnished and close to the city center. I spent the next couple of months settling in, arranging my things to come out of storage that family had kept for me while I was away and getting comfortable in my new home.

I remember the washing machine broke down and I called Alicia to fix it. She said she would send her dad over to sort it out. When her dad arrived he looked at me and said “you! I’m so glad it’s you we’re gonna take good care of you.” I couldn’t believe it. He was the pastor who would come into the prison and lead church services! he recognised me from prison! What are the chances! I need to thank the girls in prison who would drag me to church because I wasn’t interested in going to no church services, especially in prison. But they would literally pester me to go with them. But after the washing machine situation I felt like everything was falling into place nicely and I was where I was meant to be. I felt extra comfortable.

October-December 2009

The next step now was to find a job. I’ve always worked and found the whole process of going to the job center disruptive and degrading (for me) so I wanted to get right back to making money. Being on Job seekers was very limiting and uncomfortable; I couldn’t understand how people stayed on it long-term! Now the area I had moved to was still unfamiliar to me so I decided to take a walk and get to know where everything was. On my walk I noticed a sign – it was a job shop inviting people to come in, use their facilities to look for employment! I walked straight in. I had to sign an agreement to come in 3 times a week to look for work but your girl was there every day! It gave me something to do and the other people looking for jobs were very entertaining to me! The staff could see I didn’t need help with filling out forms or putting my CV together so they left me to it.

Now when I was released from prison they made sure to tell me that I had to declare my criminal record when applying for jobs. I did. I applied for loads and got nowhere! It was disheartening. But the way I got around it was through my CV. If I could apply for a job via my CV and if they didn’t ask if I had a criminal record then I wouldn’t declare it. That’s how I got my job! I sent my CV, got invited for an interview, made sure my pants was long enough to hide the tag on my ankle and got a job offer to start in the January. 4 months after being released! I was so excited!

moving forward

I stayed at that job for 6 years! and after about 4 years they found out about my criminal record and I was worried. They found out because I was moving up in the company and handling client contracts worth thousands. So the higher you move through the ranks the more checks they do. I had to go through checks and my prison address came up. I admitted I had been to prison but by then they couldn’t do anything. My work and character spoke for itself and technically I didn’t “lie” on any application forms; so in the end they did nothing.

I even went on to get another job as an office manager with another company and they did a CRB check and guess what? They still offered me the job. Because my reference from my previous role was amazing! This gave me even more confidence in myself rather than my record over-shadowing me as a person; my skills and my talents. I even completed my HR qualification through this employer as my role required me to take on more duties.

the message

From the time I went to prison till when I was released people had a lot to say about it. Saying I ruined my life etc and granted it probably looked that way. Some even had horrible things to say. But when people write you off, the worse thing you could do is write yourself off too! They talked and I just left them to talk and went about my business and did what I could. They can say what they want but I always have the final say for my life! I wasn’t going to let that distract me from what I needed to do; or waste my time arguing and correcting people. I was bringing stability back into my life. I was focussed on that and looked what happened in the first 4 months of being released. It definitely shut a lot of people up.

When I posted on FB that I was working etc people were inboxing me asking me how I did it because they’ve got a record and struggling to find work. I told them to keep at it and when you get your foot in the door be so good at your job that you become of value to the company. That’s what I did. I learned what I needed to learn, assisted in making processes more organised to the point where everyone knew who I was and what I was about. My work was always on point and when people get to know you as a person, your record does not matter. When people look at me they don’t even remember that I went to prison because I was not going to allow that to be my story. I am much more than a criminal record. I am amazing individual with a lot to offer. It was just a moment in time for me and I use it as a source of inspiration.

If I can get through prison I can get through anything!

So whatever you’ve done or been through, you can learn from it, move on and become better. Don’t hold on to the negatives because trust me, my situation had many negative twists and it could have brought me down. At some point you’ve got to let it go. And people will do what they do. They love to shame others into silence, sadness and invisibility. Don’t allow them to speak that sh*t over your life. Life is already challenging but you have to hold your head up, stand your ground and don’t let it overwhelm you. That reminds me of Beres Hammond’s song ‘Warriors Don’t Cry’ – go and have a listen.

You’re still here and that means you’ve got an opportunity to create the life you want, be happy and fulfilled. Because at the end of the day, isn’t that what we all want?

Seeya in the next post!