One thing I noticed about myself is that I’ve been through and put myself through highly stressful situations. And I will fight my way through until I get to the other side. I could handle it so I was so used to it. But when you’ve been doing it for a long time it can start wear you down.

I got tired.

• tired of the fighting
• tired of being angry
• tired of being hurt
• tired of being resentful
• tired of being triggered
• tired of wasting my energy
• tired of being on alert for the next ‘threat’ that presented itself

A bitch was tired ok? I needed to take a nap! A long one!

I was mad like the “Mad Rapper’ on Biggies Life after Death album! 😡😩😂

I was holding so much pain and stress that it presented itself as illness in my body. That prompted the journey of letting go. I was ready for something different. I was ready for peace within myself.

That meant that first and foremost I had to look at myself.

What was I doing that was contributing to these occurrences in my life? What part was I playing? I had to be honest with myself without trying to justify things in my favour. just look at the facts. And another thing, I had to stop being triggered. I was taking everything personally and it was incredibly harmful to my health and wellbeing. Being in ‘high alert’ mode offended by everyone and everything is dangerous. People can also use that against you if you’re not careful, pulling you in sh*tty situations with others.

I swear its a whole distraction from what you should be focussed on in your life.

I was taking on too much when I should’ve been saying, ‘not my circus, not my monkey!’ And so I started to make changes. This is easier said than done but when you want something bad enough you start making the effort. Here’s a list of some the things I let go:

• actions, thoughts and feelings that caused me distress
• people who were causing me crap
• being affected by other people’s behaviours, opinions…you know, sh*t you have no control of!
• replaying painful memories
• engaging with drama
• giving too many chances
• weak boundaries and lack of emotional discipline

I became more self-aware. I discovered I had more power than I imagined. I didn’t have to be down for whatever came my way. I was the gate keeper in my life and I wasn’t going to allow any situation to just pass through anymore. Nah. Sorry not sorry love!

The other side to all this is acclimatising to balance and peace in your mind, heart and spirit. It can feel strange when you don’t normally live there and dare I say it…boring. But it is so worth it! I started to feel comfortable with peace being my new normal; I could relax and eventually started putting my energy into more constructive endeavours. When you’ve experienced calmness for a while and start seeing the benefits, there is no way you’ll go back to the drama. You’ll see it from a mile a way and immediately shut it down. Coz ain’t nobody got time for that!

Life is about truly experiencing joy, happiness and fulfilment. Not being hurt and sad all the time. Yes life has its ups and down but what is your baseline feeling in your life? When I realised I was flexing like the mad rapper I knew I had to do something. Mad, sad, hurt for prolonged periods of time leads to nothing but more of it. I had changed my perspective. There was so much to be happy and grateful for, look forward to, plan and celebrate; and sometimes when it looked like I’d lost the battle (I learned to be fine with that) I actually won the war.

Sending you all so much love on this one ❤️

Seeya in the next post!