Hiya! I’m gonna dive right in and say your time is precious. Your time is valuable. Your time is everything! Don’t waste it. You think you have all the time in the world to entertain nonsense. You don’t. Ok so I don’t believe that completely. You can entertain for a little short while (for educational learning purposes) and I mean short but that’s it. I wanna say take my foolish advice but it ain’t foolish though! It’s good advice so keep reading lol.
Looking back I wasted time on friendships and relationships that ultimately didn’t work out. And to make matters worse the signs were all there. Red flags and neon signage literally telling me to let them go. But no. Vuyisawa’s loyal to the soil, Vuyisawa sees potential, Vuyisawa’s thinking it’s just a rough patch when the patch come in like a friggin’ premier league football field!
I should’ve just called it a day.
And I’m not talking about throwing in the towel after one thing unless it’s really bad of course; But there’s a pattern that starts showing you that this ain’t it! This ain’t the friendship/relationship that you signed up for and you can do loads better.
In my case I was way too forgiving. I gave too many passes. But guess what happens when you do that? The disrespect gets bigger and more spectacular because I let all the other stuff in the past slide.
It’s hurts.
Once the line between respect and disrespect is crossed and is habitually crossed,
it’s a wrap.
The hurt and pain was the signal and I was good at ignoring and suppressing it.
Trust Yourself
The hurt, the pain, the tears, the disrespect, the bullying, the lies and whatever else falls underneath the category of you being treated like shit and/or less than you would like; Don’t ignore it. Trust your intuition. Your intuition will pick up on the subtleties that are not easily detectable or obvious. Now you have to be careful here. Because you may be gaslighted into thinking you’ve got the wrong end of the stick. So I’m assuming when I write this that you’ve been watching the play, getting confirmation and you’re not being paranoid.
Storytime: Denial
I used to work in this office and my manager would see me upset. She was older than me. I say this because usually with age comes wisdom and experience. She would ask me why am I upset. I would tell her the scenario and she would straight up tell me “that’s not your friend.” I would be genuinely flabbergasted at her response and tell her that she’s wrong! I know now that she was right all along and I was just being thick as shit.
REflection
Why did I stay so long? And why was I refusing to accept the truth of the matter?
In addition to the things I’ve mentioned earlier…time. The investment of the time that I’ve put into the relationships. It’s nice to say you’re celebrating 5, 10, 20+ years of relationship/friendship; but when that starts to break down time shouldn’t be the factor to stay and suffer. Time doesn’t matter. It’s irrelevant to me at that point if I’m honest. If it’s not working out it’s not working out.
I also think its worth me mentioning that I think we stay because we wrap our lives and part of our identities to the people we forge these relationships with. They’ve become part of our everyday lives, so when the ending of that is threatened, so is our identity. We can’t see ourselves, our lives without these relationships and its scary. So we stay because it’s familiar. But we must find the courage to get off that bus.
”DING! DING!” That’s me pressing the bell on this relationship bus because the next stop is mine!
You need to get off so you can invest your time where it is respected and reciprocated because that’s where it’s at. Not resuscitating a dead situation.
I’ve got all this chat now lol but I seriously couldn’t see when I was in it. I also need to mention that ending any relationship is not easy. It can be tense and challenging but stand your ground and see it through and you’ll be happy you did. Learn from your experience. And do better. Choose better. Ok? Good.
Seeyalaterbye!