Ok, so I’m not going to act like this is going to be easy. This is the classic “easier said than done” situation; plus, this post isn’t a complete, comprehensive look into this topic. It’s vast and I’m just doing a small piece.

There were so many times I’ve said yes to something when I really wanted to say the opposite. My insides would be screaming and it felt like a whole betrayal to myself. I’d be irritated, uncomfortable and vexed with myself when I should have spared myself the internal drama and been honest. Now there would have been a few reasons for the self-betrayal:

• I was a people-pleaser and didn’t want to upset or let anyone down.
• I feared the backlash of what would be said in response to saying no.
• The awkwardness. It’s too much.
• Acceptance.
• I felt like I was contributing and bringing “value” to the relationship.
• It’s just easier to say yes.

Look at that!👆🏽😂 Talk about lack of boundaries! No wonder I was always push-up about something lmao! That’s because I was going against myself. My emotions were really letting me know. Anyway let’s break this down a little further:

Saying no doesn’t make you a bad person. If the other party is bad at taking rejection that’s on them not you.

Stand your ground. You said what you said.

You might not have the capacity to agree with what’s being asked of you for a variety of reasons. We all have lives and people go through things. For example, you may be going through a tough time and don’t have the energy to take on other people’s situation.

Or simple tings… you just don’t want to and that’s fine too.

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True stories

story 1

Ok so once upon a time I signed a tenancy agreement for someone when I didn’t want to. The person knew what they were doing (in my opinion) They put me on the spot and even though I said no at first they pressured me and I folded, and to be honest, didn’t think much of it. Well because I signed for this property I ended up going to jail for whatever was going on in there. The police knew it wasn’t me but that wasn’t the point. My signature was there! And even though I’m laughing at the ridiculousness of it as i’m writing this, it sure wasn’t funny at the time. I was young and thought I could say “It wasn’t me” and I’d be good. Er no. No it wasn’t. I went to jail, directly to jail, do not pass Go …you know the rest lol.

story 2

I had a friend and she asked me to be godmother to her son. I declined and said no. Now this was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to say to a friend. I remember calling another friend about the dilemma asking for advice. I will always remember what the other friend said “If you say no you’re effectively terminating the friendship!” We laughed but it weren’t funny. It was a nervous “what you gonna do?” laugh. But my convictions were strong. I just knew it wouldn’t be a good idea and I would be angry with myself if I went against my own feelings. I eventually told the friend and gave her an excuse. But I was so relieved I honoured my feelings. I was proud of myself because it was an extra commitment that I wasn’t willing to take for various reasons, and our friendship dissolved soon after anyway which further confirmed I had made the right choice.

These are powerful examples of the power of saying no! And yes, they really are my true stories.

moving on…

Now I’m not saying you should go out into the world and be over-zealous in telling everyone No! If your nana or grand-dad needs help with doing something online or around the house, be a darling and help them. If your friend is reaching out to you, connect! This isn’t about being a dick for being a dick’s sake. We need relationships and a balanced relationship has reciprocity. Give and take and that’s how relationships bloom. This post is about truly honouring and discerning what you’re agreeing to, what you can do and what’s best for you. We make agreements everyday in the choices we make. Some great, some not so great. So let’s pause and think before making decisions.

A no can be just as powerful and protective as a yes and vice versa. The more you make decisions that truly align with what you feel, the easier it becomes; and you begin to build a relationship of trust with yourself. Which is what, Everybody? Another facet of self-love! Give yourselves a round of applause!👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

Seeya in the next post!